I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
