if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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