I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
