Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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