Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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