I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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