Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
