i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
