just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
