There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
