I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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