Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
