If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
