My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
