Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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