There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
