Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
