How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
