Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
