she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
