every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
