Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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