I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
