I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
