it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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