dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
