but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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