I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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