So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
