i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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