I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
