Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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