i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
