i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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