i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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