he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
ttyl tear gas
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
