YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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