The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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