I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm like, not good at living.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
