So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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