Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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