I'm jealous of your bromance
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
