Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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