i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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