So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
