Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
