1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
