My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
