ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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