MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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