why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
